I am feeling this overwhelming emptiness inside of me. Burning, screaming. And even though, I do not know life or remember the future, I know that this is not how being alive is supposed to feel. So I run away to my place of hiding. I breathe yet again and discover, that I do not feel home in my own body. But for me, that is what it's like to be home.
I see children running around me, smiling and laughing, and I can't help but wonder, how many of them will turn out like me: Lost. I think of my brothers and sister, raised by the same man as I was. Or at least, that is what i like to think.
While sitting here, I secretly hope for someone to show up. No, not just anyone, someone particularly. Wanting him to see me and fall head over heels in love, as I did five years ago. For a moment I think about how it must feel: You, sitting behind me while i rest my head on your chest. A chest, strong enough to contain a heart with such a passionate beat. Allowing myself to look at you even when you look back at me, while the sight of your dark eyes, those two black holes, makes me fall in love with you all over again.
I feel my heart flutter when I am thrown back to this reality. I'd like to think that I, in this very moment, could just run away into the wilderness, exploring the world entirely on my own. I would feel the sun dance on my naked skin and the rain soak my clothes wet as I dance around. I would feel alive and I would feel home in my own skin.
I picture myself with a smile upon my face. To me, I look like a stranger. And maybe it is in that moment, the idea of sharing my thoughts is brought to life. And maybe, just maybe, that is what I am doing right now; bringing my thoughts to the life, I promise myself I one day will find myself exploring.
I see children running around me, smiling and laughing, and I can't help but wonder, how many of them will turn out like me: Lost. I think of my brothers and sister, raised by the same man as I was. Or at least, that is what i like to think.
While sitting here, I secretly hope for someone to show up. No, not just anyone, someone particularly. Wanting him to see me and fall head over heels in love, as I did five years ago. For a moment I think about how it must feel: You, sitting behind me while i rest my head on your chest. A chest, strong enough to contain a heart with such a passionate beat. Allowing myself to look at you even when you look back at me, while the sight of your dark eyes, those two black holes, makes me fall in love with you all over again.
I feel my heart flutter when I am thrown back to this reality. I'd like to think that I, in this very moment, could just run away into the wilderness, exploring the world entirely on my own. I would feel the sun dance on my naked skin and the rain soak my clothes wet as I dance around. I would feel alive and I would feel home in my own skin.
I picture myself with a smile upon my face. To me, I look like a stranger. And maybe it is in that moment, the idea of sharing my thoughts is brought to life. And maybe, just maybe, that is what I am doing right now; bringing my thoughts to the life, I promise myself I one day will find myself exploring.